I was hanging out with a buddy when I heard him say something that turned my plums a dark, disgusted hue of purple.  He said he’d never heard of the Macho Man, Randy Savage.  I showed him this clip, yada yada yada, I cleaned up the pieces of his exploded noggin from my grizzly bear rug.

 

 


About Barry McCockener

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I spend my weekends encrypting ancient Swahili tribal mating calls that may or may not hold the secret to curing the disease known as “Gingerism,” or having hair of a reddish hue. In the winter months, I am often found discovering new aquatic species off the coast of Antarctica and in the summer months, clearing the Death Valley sands of extraterrestrial beings that are attempting to hibernate. I used to be 5’10”; however, I decided to grow, so I am now 6’2”. I am lethally talented at Kabaddi, and addicted to the sport of Basketcall, which is similar to basketball, but one must call their shots two possessions before taking them. I play soccer with bowling balls, bench press with my teeth, and can, currently, do 3 cock push ups. I am responsible for Kate Upton’s breasts (you’re welcome), taught Miley how to twerk (sorry), and, when I was 5, I sold the rights to all of my jokes to David Lappelle, whom you now know as Dave Chappelle. If you would like to reach me by phone, please visit the pay phone outside of Stadion Bilino Polje in Zenica, Bosnia and Herzegovina, where you will dial the tune of the third bar of (I Know) I’m Losing You by Rod Stewart. If I don’t answer, please don’t leave a message, I do not want to talk to you.

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